While we can easily critisize others of their shortcomings or behaviour, we fail to acknowledge who we truly are. This happens quite casually and you are not alone in this list. We often speak about domestic violence, crime and try to protect oneself or our loved ones from it. This society teaches and imparts control at an young age to protect individuals from carrying such traits.
You could have seen grandmother of yours telling not to involve in physical fights with siblings and treat women or old with dignity. Have you ever wondered why there are no mechanisms to control obsessive behaviours. I would not even say “In the olden days”… Even during 90’s there were large joint families where a kid gets used to sharing all it has casually and happily incuding mother’s love, co-exist and be a team player. So-called single kids, pampered children and the unloved children of modern nuclear family era are the ones who get into the trap of obssesive relationship.
What is an obssesive relationship and how do we identify it ?
When we talk about relationships we always tend to relate it to our spouse or a romantic interest but do not realize that we do have lots of other relationships in plate which we do not give a hec to. But the most common obsession is with the closest person you deal with, they could be your spouse, children, siblings, parents, friends or pets. Anything in excess is an obsession and it is quite a thin line between showing love & care and being obsessive. Often we mistake true love & care for Obsession and viceversa.
Check out if you, your partner or both are in obsessive relationship. Here, partner means anyone other than you in the relationship.
- Do you hangout with the same person all the time, whether in person, phone, mail or even in thoughts ?
- Do you feel you or the other person is not empowered ?
- Is one of you or both get physically and mentally fatigued and need a break from each other ?
- Do you feel if you have lost the ability to operate individually ?
- Do you feel you have spent the whole day without producing any quality work.
- How much time do you spend in a day on things which does not relate to the other person ?
- Do you worry too much to be in the good books of this person and do things which you do not vouch for ?
- Do you fear to even speak with others or spend time alone doing your things ?
The best ability humans have, is to think, desire to learn, freedom to speak and kindness to act. Anything which spoils the sport is obsessive and undesirable. Unless we fail to spot them in us, our life and our environment, we cannot make our lives better.
There is a need to act and get out of this very spot ourselves. If we make small changes to the way we deal, we could inculcate a free spirit and a peaceful mind for us and others around us.
- Realize within and with others a need to change in the way we behave.
- Keep things simple and do not complicate. Look at everything as is and do not read beyond the lines.
- Analytical skills are not for human relations and keep the mind of yours quite.
- If the other person is matured enough speak to them subtly suggesting a need for change.
- If you have built your life around one person, start to entangle and build a healthy boundry. It means giving space to the other to live his or her life to the fullest and engage ourselfs in a healthy way too.
- Real honesty is being honest and not trying to prove being honest. So, try not to prove yourself all the time nor expect the other.
- It is okay to have thoughts and informations to ourselves. There is a false sense of judement on being true in a relationship. For example, A woman gets disappointed with her husband when he does not talk about his finances and a man gets disappointed when his woman tries to be on her own. When we have taken a oath to be true to one other it is implied and does not need to be proved every time and in every single thing one does. Healthier relationship does not try to find out, it trusts. Because you have elevated from exploring about someone and surrendered your life to them. Why should we go back to square one to keep exploring and proving ourselves.
- Stay away from competing with your partner or competing with others who compete for your partner. It is he/she who choses to decide what their priorities are. Influencing others to their benefits is the least of the things an earnest soul would do. Relationship are not for your benefits, it is a mutual companionship built on trust. And you choose to opt a companion whom you could trust.
A companion need not be a romantic interest always, you are free to choose any relationship to be a companion at heart. Be it your spouse, children, parents, siblings, friends etc. A good companion is one who respects the other, gives space, does not cling for benefits and loves you with everything around you with no intent to change.
We cannot force others to be on their best but we always do have a control on ourselves and be a seed to the change. The only and best person you could change in this entire world is yourself.